What is in the water? Everyone I know is married or getting married. Some people I’ve known since childhood are already divorced. There are babies everywhere. Why? And when I ponder these questions, why am I always lead to the “Is this real life?” spiral of career-related questions? Why does the happiness of others make me want to throw things?
I’m not going to lie; sometimes, seeing all these happy couples pushing strollers and planning parties makes me feel like a failure. A ton of my boyfriend’s friends are getting hitched within the next 18 months, and half my high school acquaintances have different last names on Facebook these days. I always thought that I would be like my Mom; she was married in her early 20s and had me when she was 26. Well, I turn 26 this year, and I have no plans to have a baby any time soon. I also thought I’d have a career and–at the very least–an apartment by now.
So what gives? I guess I’ve always been kind of a late bloomer. I’ve done things at my own pace all my life. Graduating from a liberal arts college with America’s impending financial crisis just over the horizon didn’t help me, either. I worked where I could and I don’t have a lot to show for it aside from anecdotes and a strong dislike for Republicans. I wasted my talent and my intelligence before deciding to start taking online graduate courses and substitute teaching, and now I’m working for the career path I should have taken all along. Am I upset that I made the choices I did? No. I loved working on campus publications. Even if print media is, essentially, dead, I still love designing and I’ve made some life long friends through my experiences with The Collegian and The Medium. Could I have stayed in the basement of Reid Hall until 4 in the morning if I was doing ed block at WAC? Probably not. As far as not having the career I thought I’d have at 25? I guess I’m at least working toward something now.
Living at home isn’t so bad, either. My boyfriend lives at home, too. The majority of my (unmarried) friends who don’t live at home live in shared houses with friends. If I had friends in this state and spare money, I’d consider such an arrangement. The economy is different than it used to be, and that is something we’ve all had to accept. The housing market is still shaky, and renting seems like throwing money away when the alternative is sharing space with someone who knows when to give me my space. You see, my relationship with my Mom isn’t always Gilmore perfect, but I have an entire floor of a house to myself when I need it. Some folks like Dan aren’t as lucky and don’t have as much personal space or as casual of a relationship with their parents. I guess I have to consider myself lucky, and remind myself that it could be so much worse before I let myself spiral out of cognitive control over housing and career situations when I see a wedding invitation.
There are just so many wedding invitations these days. If it isn’t wedding invitations, it’s pictures from the reception in the Facebook stalker feed, or–worse yet–drooling, seemingly alien lifeforms and people I never expected to breed holding them up for the camera with big smiles on their faces. This is the mess that sets me off, and makes me wonder where I went wrong. Why is my life not redefined by a permanent addition and a different tax filing status? Am I damaged goods after my craptastical 2006-2007 failed relationship? Should I be worried that Dan hasn’t asked me my ring size? How can those folks from high school still like each other enough to be married? One Facebook status, one text message, one piece of juicy gossip if and when I do actually have a night out with friends… That’s all it takes to set off these neuroses. It doesn’t help that sometimes people ask why Dan and I aren’t making more plans.
The fact of the matter is that I’m perfectly normal. Some of my favorite people from college aren’t married, and they don’t plan to be married any time soon. Dan and I have an excellent relationship that doesn’t need to move at anyone’s speed but ours. Quite simply, we’re not ready. We are both Virgos and we like plans and assurance, and we would like to take this whole thing slowly, thank you very much. I’m taking classes, working toward a career I will enjoy, and he might have a job with a salary, but he’s not exactly sure it’s where he wants to stay if the recession ever ends. I think that in the long run, he and I are more likely to be happy than some of my friends who rushed into things and made rash decisions. And although it sometimes sends me into an emotional tailspin, I’m really happy for those friends who made it work and are living happily ever after. More power to you; it’s just not for me–yet.
Very insightful and I agree you are perfectly normal and are much better off waiting and taking your time than rushing headlong into something because everyone else is doing it. I wish I would have done lots of things differently in my life. You are doing great and I am very proud of you.