That might be an understatement.

On a typical day, I leave my house around 7:30 and drive to Chestertown while listening to BBC on satellite radio. Before this daylight savings time nonsense it was News Hour, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I suppose I’ll get used to the news program that is on after that, though today it was a lot of feature stories that were long and boring. Anyway, I drive to Chestertown and always get there 10 minutes later than I’m aiming for because I inevitably get behind a dump truck or tractor.

I work for several hours doing things I enjoy (for the most part). I am very lucky, actually. My job is pretty cool. I get to work on social media initiatives, do research, coordinate things and fill in the cracks when other people in the office need help. I’ve been compared to a swiss army knife.

Lunch is either at my desk or in the dining hall. Once in awhile I will go to the shopping center and pick up something at Rose’s on my lunch break. A floor mat. Scrubbing bubbles. Halloween makeup. But if I’m eating lunch at my desk, I am likely doing homework. That’s right, I’m still taking classes at Saint Joe’s. After this, I will only have one more semester.

I work a few more hours and then I bolt, typically at 4:30. Last week I had to stay later a couple of nights. It happens. I’m okay with that happening.

Another hour-long commute home, this time usually fighting off sleep. I will call my Mom or listen to Bloc Party at obscenely high volumes to stay awake.

Dan and I eat dinner, sit on the sofa, and go to bed. There’s usually some more homework in there. Sometimes there’s laundry.

So, I really don’t have a valid excuse for my lack of posting. I’m going to try to get better about that. Promise.

But December isn’t the summary of 2010 by any means. It’s merely the bitter, cold ending to a tumultuous year. Honestly, I don’t feel as though the year started until May. The first few months involved settling into the routine that I embraced when possible: school work, substitute teaching, time with Dan. We managed to go to Shamrock Fest in March, the event that we honor with bringing us together in 2009, but we left early due to the torrential rains that had us completely soaked. But in May, I was running around like a headless chicken on crack.

May included two weddings, a half a week at the beach (during which time I saw one of my favorite ex-pats, Kate), my college reunion, Alisha’s graduation from Washington College, a concert, a celebration of Alisha’s graduation with her family, and working full time at Hershey Entertainment and Resorts. In my Google calendar, I actually have June 4 blocked off for sleeping in an effort to recover from that month. When I look back on my year, May sticks out as the happiest time. It was busy, and I put the miles on, but I saw so many wonderful people and love was everywhere.

June and July fell into place much like the beginning of the year. We managed a quick weekend at the beach, we attended Celtic Fling with my Mom and SW, and we saw Tom Petty with Dan’s parents. The rest of the time was filled with work and school for me. I was forced to cut back my hours because in addition to my two graduate classes, I picked up a psychology course at HACC to meet undergraduate requirements for teaching certification. Toward the end of July, I set a record for most accidents to a car in one weekend. Dan backed into it in his driveway, I got rear-ended on the way to work, and I opened my passenger-side door into a guard rail while trying to get my insurance information out for the rear-ending. Lionel spent a week in early August in the body shop.

August. August is when the world kind of went to shit. The previous blog entries about SW’s accident really only scratch the surface. On August 2, when my Mom came home from work crying hysterically, I vowed to remain as strong as I could. My resolve remained, and I supported her and tried to support him as best I could. I visited SW in rehab at Hershey more than his own daughter did. In October, he moved to a rehab in North Carolina that specifically treats brain injuries. The situation is so incredibly awkward, and the emotions stirred by the constant phone calls are mixed. We miss him, we feel bad for him, and yet how can we remain consistently dedicated to him when we are unable to get information? How can we support him if he never made the move for us to be family? But we try. We miss him. And we still cry.

It’s really been a mixed bag since August. September held a brief reprieve from all things problematic with Dan and I spending a week in an apartment at the beach. If I remember correctly, we only had one fight, and it was because I wanted to do my homework on the sofa. The whole sofa. Yeah, I’m a brat. We relaxed on the beach, which was empty since it was after Labor Day. We enjoyed our time together, and the peacefulness of Dewey Beach with no frat boys. Things picked up after that; I had to leave my job at Hershey because school and subbing were more important.

Now here we are. January. The holidays have passed, and the only thing on the horizon is the beginning of my student teaching.

I’m scared, and I hope this year is better.

Motivation is the driving force behind learning. Without motivated students, our efforts as teachers are essentially fruitless. So before we can create a constructivist class or establish expected behaviors among our students, it’s important that we understand motivation and how to encourage it in our classrooms. Various factors influence motivation. Learners’ curiosity, goals and self-efficacy as well as their expectancies and attributions play a role in how much (or how little) motivation they bring to class. As we strive to activate prior knowledge in our teaching, we must be aware that past learning experiences affect how students decide to engage in learning. “What happens as a result of past learning determines to a large degree whether students will engage in new learning at some time in the future” (Driscoll, p. 323).

Some of the studies on motivation revealed findings that I believe to be common sense or methods many of us planned to employ in a desire to achieve a constructivist setting. For example, “To keep learners alert, instructors can employ such strategies as varying their tone of voice, using relevant humor occasionally, and interspersing demonstrations and group activities with lecture” (Driscoll, p. 313). No one really wants to sit and listen to Ben Stein (especially now that he’s the face of Comcast), and—for me, at least—humor is a go-to coping mechanism for any and all uncomfortable situations. What’s more, breaking up lecture with demonstrations and group activities provides us with the social learning experiences we strive to attain. Descriptions of inquiry arousal that involves “pos[ing] very complex and realistic problems for students to solve” reminded me of problem-based learning, a constructivist ideal (Driscoll, p. 314).

Driscoll states that “When individuals set goals, they determine an external standard to which they will internally evaluate their present level of performance” (p. 314). I always believed goal-setting to be important, but I never really thought about goals beyond the perspectives of “realistic” and “unrealistic.” As it turns out, there are several factors that can determine whether a goal is a help or a hindrance for the learner. Setting goals that are specific, challenging enough to encourage persistence and proximal can encourage learners to keep focused on the task at hand (Driscoll, pp. 314-315). Proximal goals refer to goals that are achievable within a shorter range of time, whereas distal goals look more to the future. Setting and achieving proximal goals essentially fills a motivational bank. I have been doing this toward the end of the semester by creating a weekly to-do list. Each time I cross off a task (in Sharpie), I feel satisfaction and believe that I can finish all of the work that is due at the end of the semester before I leave for the beach on May 4. Students can benefit from a distal goal for a class or for high school, but should set multiple proximal goals throughout the course so that they can gain a sense of achievement.

Furthermore, the orientation of the goal is also important when considering how the goal will affect the student’s learning. “Performance goals foster the implicit belief that intelligence is fixed…learning goals are associated with a belief that intelligence is malleable and can be developed” (Driscoll, p. 315). Thus, if a student wishes to achieve an “A” grade and does not meet this goal, there is more room for discouragement because failure would mean a lack of intelligence. However, if a student sets a goal to discover and understand how foreshadowing is used in Romeo and Juliet, the goal is met through the student’s own time and effort and measured by whether the student attains that knowledge.

While setting goals can provide students with task-based motivation and increased self-efficacy, it is not the only way to encourage motivation in the classroom. The ARCS model refers to Keller’s “four conditions for motivation that must be met to have a motivated learner” and stands for attention, relevance, confidence and satisfaction (Driscoll, p. 333). ARCS should be viewed as a sequential process. Possibly the most difficult aspects are gaining (and sustaining) the attention of learners and establishing relevance. Again, piquing curiosity is a recommendation for gaining attention, but after that, how does one maintain it? Instances of problem-based learning stimulate an “attitude of inquiry” and variation within instruction to break up any monotony help to sustain attention (Driscoll, pp. 334-335).

Relevance is also a key to supporting the attention of students. One thing I’ve seen while substituting is that students love to ask, “What’s the point of [insert subject here]?” or “Where am I going to use this in real life?” In addition to making learning relevant to achieving goals, teachers can structure activities that work with needs for achievement and affiliation. Examples listed in Driscoll for ways teachers can motivate by employing learners’ existing motives and values include “providing leadership opportunities, occasions for self-study or working in cooperative groups, or allowing friendly competition on individual or group projects” (p. 336). If students are involved in the learning, it becomes relevant to them. Even in instances of work that is viewed as boring, like vocabulary packets, a friendly game of definition jeopardy encourages students to know their words so their team can win the game. Furthermore, “providing concrete examples and analogies” that relate to students’ lives will also assist in creating a sense of relevance for learning (Driscoll, p. 336). While subbing a class that was in the midst of preparing for the lovely PSSA writing test, I tried to explain that being able to effectively write a persuasive piece would help them in making valid arguments in other areas of life. As I was passing out example essays and sample rubrics, I cited the example of wanting to go to a concert. If they just told their parents they wanted to go to see a band, their parents would probably say no; however, if they presented a valid argument and cited several reasons they should be allowed to attend the concert, their parents might hear them out. While it’s difficult to make high-stakes testing practice relevant, at least I tried.

The remaining components of ARCS, confidence and satisfaction, tie back to the ideas of goal-setting and self-efficacy. Through increased belief in abilities (something built upon by the completion of tasks or accomplishment of goals), students become more confident in learning and more likely to engage. Learning satisfaction, according to John M. Keller, comes from three sources. Natural consequences can be illustrated by a chance to utilize newly attained skills. Positive consequences, which “can be especially useful…when learning tasks are inherently boring or their relevance is not perceived by the learner” can create satisfaction when there is little chance of creating a relevant link between the student and learning (Driscoll, pp. 325, 336). Finally, the idea of equity involves maintaining consistent standards and expectations, which should be established before the learning task. One way to create these standards is through that initial idea of setting attainable goals that are challenging and proximal. Overall, natural consequences will likely provide the greatest satisfaction for students and follow the constructivist mindset that many of us have embraced.

Different classes might require a teacher to look at motivation in different ways. Some students might come to class with high self-efficacy and easily understand the relevance of the material being covered. Other classes may need more reassurance and greater assistance in setting proximal learning goals. When we consider our students, we should keep the ARCS model in mind. How will we gain their attention, produce relevance, promote confidence and create satisfaction? In what ways did their prior learning experiences shape self-efficacy and their ability to self-regulate? While it seems like a bit of extra work to motivate students, we must realize that without the motivation to learn, our teaching efforts will fall on a few sets of deaf ears. If we are truly passionate about our content—and what our content area has given us—it will be no problem to engage our students and show them the relevance, help them create goals and provide a satisfying learning experience.

Other times, it feels like my life is rushed and filled to the point of bursting. I feel like I’m barely clinging on to my sanity. I see people living happy, carefree lives and I envy them.

Perhaps the real situation is that everyone is somewhere between these two places. No one is completely carefree. We all have bills and deadlines to meet. Marriage, children, jobs, houses–they just compound the stress of life itself. In some ways I’m lucky that I do not have those things to worry about. My employment situation is glorified hobo and the white picket fence is a long way off. I won’t have to worry about a mortgage or diapers or contracts for a couple of years. Still, I have to keep telling myself that I’m working toward something or the day to day breathing becomes too much.

My dear friend and “little brother” wrote on my Facebook today that I have to be passionate about teaching. I think I am, but am I passionate enough? I really look forward to working with a classroom of my own, but I’m nervous. I’m more nervous about completing the process and jumping through the hoops of student teaching and Praxis testing, but it’s still just another stressful element in this path I have chosen for myself. And I’m always questioning if it’s the right path. I’ve had a good break from subbing due to PSSA testing and conflicting schedules, and I can honestly say that I don’t miss it all that much. I’ve already entered the mindset for my summer job, which might just be a necessary coping mechanism.

I wonder if I’ve missed my calling. I wonder if this is what I’m supposed to do. Friends–well, more likely friends of friends–would turn to religion here and pray for answers or something. I could consult my tarot cards. I could put my faith in what my friends tell me. I could believe in myself for once.

I’ve kind of hit a wall. I guess that’s what April is, and possibly always has been, for me. I think I was usually fairly frustrated by this time of year in undergrad, and most certainly in 2008 and 2009, I was slowly going crazy by this time of year. I want to be passionate about my classes, about subbing, about life–but right now I just keep asking myself two questions:

Is this real life? and

Can we go to the beach yet?

I need this.

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