small.town.girl

While I have been taking baby steps with most of my new year’s resolutions, there is one goal with which I’ve made huge strides. I’m steadily making my way through the Harry Potter series. A week after starting the first book, I’m over halfway done with the third book. I’m amazed at how quickly I flip through the pages, and how when I’m not reading them, I think about when I might get a chance to read again. The series has really grabbed me. I now understand how and why these books energized so many folks to read, even if they were not “readers.”

What’s lucky for me is that I never tainted my opinions of the series; in addition to avoiding the books, I’ve never seen any of the movies. I have kept myself fairly isolated from all things Potter, which means that I can still make my own mental images of the characters and I have no idea how the plot will twist and turn. I find myself making predictions, but I do not voice these to my friends because most of them are familiar with the books. I’m having a lot of fun being immersed in this world, and even though I thought the books would be childish and silly, I find myself admiring the prose and the language employed to convey stories that are not boring in the least. In fact, in Chamber of Secrets, Rowling used the word “tenterhooks,” which made me really, really happy. Perhaps I’ve been living in this county for too long if proper usage of words makes me giddy.

I think that after I finish the third book, I may take a brief break. Perhaps I will read something else, or dedicate myself solidly to working ahead on my classwork. Regardless, I think that three books in a little over a week will be a sufficient start to meeting this 2010 goal. Dan also pointed out that if I read all seven books in less than a month, I may start thinking that I am Harry Potter.

He’s totally wrong, though. I’d be Hermione. Duh.

I am starting online graduate classes this week. I’m fairly excited about furthering my education, and in a way, I’m glad I’ve had a couple years of limbo to make me more motivated to do my best. The online format makes me a little bit nervous, but as I’m practically a character from The Matrix when it comes to my connectivity and love of the internet, I guess I can’t worry too much. The more I substitute teach, the more I long to someday have my own classroom. I look forward to observing teachers in my field (secondary English) and learning more about classroom management. I feel more confident that I’m making the right decision to pursue this career path, and it doesn’t hurt that I have some wonderful people rooting for me in my corner.

Additionally, I’m having some thoughts about attempting the city school again. They held an orientation for substitute teachers this week, and I attended because I didn’t have any subbing work. I feel like, in the present economy, more people are emergency certified to substitute and this increases the number of options for schools and decreases the number of calls for the sub. So I may have to start taking calls at the city school to stay afloat financially, as much as I don’t want to do it. They seemed genuinely grateful that anyone would show up to teach for their school district, and they acknowledged that they do indeed have some bad eggs. They also gave me what I wanted—a written manual outlining different procedures. While it isn’t quite a Bible of How to Act at the Urban School, it does have some helpful information. They also gave us some pointers that I would not necessarily have thought to employ in teaching (i.e., ignore the “bad” children), so maybe if I try to follow their ideas of how things work, I will have a more successful time of it.

Nothing compares to subbing at my favorite suburban schools, though. I did have a day at one this past week, and because it’s almost time for high school finals, the class was doing review packets. The fact that they remained quiet and legitimately did work per the teacher’s instructions enabled me to all but finish Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in a single day. I sincerely hope that I can work with them more throughout the rest of this school year.

I may post some of my posts from my various classes on here as I move through my semester with SJU. The Psychology of Teaching course seems like it will be really thought-provoking, and we have to write weekly message board posts for it. My fingers are crossed that things continue to go well for me in the education sector.

This past weekend, my college roommate came for a visit. She comes from the very liberal land of Washington DC, where she is a social-worker-in-training. When she visits, sometimes I am reminded just how insane PA can actually be.

The night we were discussing her impending visit, I noticed a truck in a parking lot covered in bumper stickers. The most notable of these stickers? “I’ll forgive Jane Fonda when the Jews forgive Hitler.” Yeah, seriously. What the…?

However, the real WTF moment was while we were out at the bar. Now Jill and I have always been a bit crass; it’s just who we are. After a couple of beers at a local pub (a classier joint than the outings of our early twenties; the one bartender here puts the shamrock in your Guinness foam!), we were discussing which celebrities we thought would die this year. I mean, 2009 was a year for tragic celebrity deaths with Farrah, Michael, Patrick, Brittany, etc. 2010 has potential. First on Jill’s list was Amy Winehouse. The lady bartender overheard, and joined in our conversation. She also had Amy Winehouse at the top of her list, which made us happy and allowed her to stay in our conversation.

Big mistake.

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The Year in Review

In January, at my first InnerPartySystem concert

For me, 2009 was a transitional year. In 2008, I was treading water, working nearly the entire year at a job I grew to hate and searching for the motivation to aspire to something greater. In 2009, I worked through numerous obstacles to find a foundation for successful living. Part of my ability to have a good year was courtesy of resolutions I made last year. Honestly, I don’t remember them exactly because I recorded them in my now defunct BlackBerry, but they improved my diet until about mid-summer, when I gave up and started eating poorly again. Another key factor in how I lived in 2009 was the spontaneous departure from my job. If I hadn’t done that, there’s a slight chance I would still be living miserably, making barely enough to get by.

In December, at my sixth InnerPartySystem concert (with Patrick!)

It’s funny how things work. In January, I quit my job without any sort of back up plan. It was necessary, but scary at the same time. About a week later, I met Dan for the first time. The end of 2008 and beginning of 2009 were fueled mainly by Patrón, but by March and my “official” start of a relationship with Dan. I spent the beginning of the year unemployed and going insane, but able to work on myself through Wii Fit and hiking, so it wasn’t a total loss (but it was some weight loss!). I finally found myself working at a convenience store for some funds, which provided a crash course in how I do not want to spend the rest of my life. By June, I knew that I needed to take steps to get away from a survival job, so I took guest teacher training to obtain emergency substitute teaching certification for fall. My luck improved even more when I randomly saw a position in Hershey’s Central Reservations posted online in June and I switched to a cushier, more fulfilling “summer” job with higher pay and more hours.

Basically, as soon as that job ended, I was subbing. And that brings me to where I am now, staring at a calendar wondering how 2009 flew by and pondering possible resolutions.

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Life as a substitute teacher essentially involves a series of unpleasant experiences. Often, you’re offered a job by a 5:30 a.m. phone call. If you decide to take this job, you must then stumble out of bed to a school where you know virtually no one, and you must look professional upon arrival. Depending on who you are subbing for, you will find lesson plans. If you’re in for a high school teacher, odds are these lesson plans will be worksheets, quizzes or “continue working on such and such project.” If it’s middle school level, you may actually have to teach, or at least supervise them teaching themselves.

Depending on how the day goes, your afternoon might involve an energized trip to Wal-Mart or it may involve collapsing into bed and self-doubt. It depends on the school district, the students and your own resilience. Some days, I find myself doubting that this is the proper profession for me. I wonder if everything I’m doing is worth it, or I start looking at the want ads for “real jobs.” Other days, I’m fully confident that I’m making the right decision to continue my education and I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to gain varied classroom experiences.

There is one school district in particular that I dread seeing on my caller ID first thing in the morning. Continue reading

I became a substitute teacher somewhat out of necessity. In a faltering economy, I couldn’t afford to move to a new location to find a job, and my college degree and I were wasting away at a local convenience store making less than $8/hour. Teaching had been my original intention in college, but I’d been sidetracked by publications. I was lucky to know a few people who had gone through a training program to obtain emergency teaching certification, and they encouraged me to check it out. While the main point of the program is to staff the local intermediate unit, which assists local schools (especially with special education), many who take the training become day-to-day subs in mainstream schools. The training takes a mere three days and focuses on information that is more suited to the IU. Most of “what to do” was up to me to learn.

My first day was terrifying and exhilarating. I’d managed to find a better-paying seasonal job to round out my summer; my last day was Labor Day. I was looking forward to taking a few weeks to prepare for subbing by cleaning and organizing. Instead, Tuesday, September 8, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to a phone call. I agreed before I really understood what I was doing. That was just the beginning, I suppose. In retrospect, the first day was fairly plain. It was 7th grade language arts, and one period I had a co-teacher who took the reigns. The regular teacher’s plans were superb–she’d thought of a lot in advance. The 7th graders were only in their 2nd week of junior high, so they had no idea that I was not at all aware of what I was doing. At the end of the day, I felt confident I’d made the right choice in pursuing teaching as a career.

When I look back, I’m very happy that I accepted that early phone call. It let me train myself and get my feet wet without falling on my face. I learned how to follow a lesson plan, how to relate to students, and even how to deal with trying to find a school I’ve never seen. Since then, I’ve had numerous other learning experiences with subbing. It’s trial and error, and what one can accomplish in a day depends on the type of students the school in question has. The demographics vary, even in my small county, and the students are sometimes less receptive to a substitute depending on their grade level and their level in the education system. I hope to detail some of what I’ve learned here, and to write about the experiences—good, bad and in between—so that I might learn more from them as I reexamine what I’ve done.

I want to address the fact that this weekend will be my 25th birthday. I’ve been over analyzing it and trying to come to grips with the fact that I’ve been on Earth for a quarter of a century. But the life I live feels like an extended adolescence, and life is nothing like I thought it would be at 25. I feel slightly relieved, but I also feel like somewhat of a failure. I thought that I would have a stable, steady career; I thought that I would be married, possibly discussing the idea of children. Instead, I’m finally deciding to go back to school to get certified for education while substitute teaching. I’m barely able to comprehend that I’m in a relationship, let alone think about the m-word or miniature humans. Even though I’m not necessarily ready for these big life changes, I thought that by 25, I’d at least feel like an adult.

Perhaps the economy’s forced extended adolescence has my growth as a person stunted. It’s not that I don’t want to live on my own, to be able to have my own dinner parties or to own my own living room furniture. I do want these things; I just can’t figure out how to get form point A to B quickly enough, and I’m disappointed that it’s taken me this long to get anywhere close to establishing myself. But even some of my friends who have taken adult steps like getting married or establishing careers seem to live in a vacuum where age is nonexistent.

I’m hoping that my birthday weekend gives me some clarity on this. I wish I could offer further laments, but I can’t find the words to express what I’m feeling. In a way, I guess I am older; Dan and I are going to a bed and breakfast on the Eastern Shore for the weekend. There’s been talk of bird watching. We want to relax rather than attend parties at my alma mater. We’d rather have glasses of wine or a craft brewed beer than all-you-can drink Beast Light. I just hope that this experience–an adult vacation–makes me feel more grown up or offers me some time to reflect and figure out how to get to a point where I feel like an adult. I’m sick of feeling trapped in limbo. I’d like 25 to mean something.